


Letters to no one

by ninastirith



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Gen, M/M, also this is really short, and it consists only of letters from raleigh to yancy, i barely know what this is myself, i'm always so sad about brothers okay, in case that wasn't clear, literally everyone but yancy and raleigh are just like. casually mentioned once or twice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-19
Updated: 2014-08-19
Packaged: 2018-02-13 20:43:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2164521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninastirith/pseuds/ninastirith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Raleigh tries to cope with being something he never thought he'd have to be - brotherless. So he writes letters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Letters to no one

 

_Yancy,_

 

_Another day passes and I can't stop missing you. This must be the hundredth or thousandth or millionth time I say it, but, fuck, I miss you and there's no end to it. I wake up, stare at the ceiling of the bedroom in our – my – Anchorage apartment, all pieces remaining of my shattered reality fall to place and I fucking miss you so much it blurs everyone and everything else out._

 

_Rals_

\-----

_Yancy,_

 

_I'm climbing the walls both figuratively and literally. They're building walls to keep the Kaiju out now, shutting down the Jaeger program and here I am, hammering it together and all I can think about is how you'd scowl, snort at them with a mockingly arrogant glance. You were never as naïve as me, but being a Ranger got to you too and together we were unstoppable. The Wall? Not so much. Me, alone, no tech, no Gipsy, no you? Not so much. God, if you had any idea how much of me was you when it came down to it. How much of you was me, too, I bet._

 

_Rals_

\-----

_Yancy,_

 

_I was right about the Wall but it doesn't feel like success. Pentecost's gathering Jaegers, activating them and he called me in to run Gipsy again. You should see her. I wish you were here to see her, and I wish you were here to conquer my doubt. I'm still not sure if I can do it, Yance, not since the last time. The dark the cold, the claws, the pain. The “Raleigh, listen to me -” that's so deeply etched in my mind. The overload of emotions I was just as unable to process as you, until there was nothing but silence in my head and a feeling over being so profoundly scattered that I didn't think it would be any point in trying to piece myself together again._

 

_Rals_

\-----

_Yancy,_

 

_I miss you. I miss you and it's never gonna end and I don't know what to call this dark, gutwrenching feeling but rage. I'm so unfathomably fucking angry that you're not here. I'll get the fucking Kaiju. I'll give them all I've got and maybe I won't be angry anymore._

 

_Rals_

\-----

_Yancy,_

 

_I have a new co-pilot and it's changed everything. I've never seen anything like her before. You'd probably be jealous if you saw it – I never thought I'd be drift compatible with anyone ever again. Her name is Mako and believe it or not, Yance, she makes me want to get back into Gipsy again for the first time in five years and four months. For the first time since you died, I feel like I might be more than half a man. Just a little bit more._

 

_Rals_

\-----

_Yancy,_

 

_Remember Hercules Hansen from the Manila stationing? He's still at it, co-piloted by his son who's the biggest asshole I've met in a while. Did piloting ever make us full of ourselves? Probably, yeah. I guess it's too long ago for me to remember, to relate. Pretty sure we were never as rude as this one, though. I've fought him already and I wish I hadn't, mostly for Mako's sake. I can't believe how much she wants this, to get out there, fight Kaiju, save the world. All I want is to save my conscience. For not returning to what was my duty, for not being honest with you when I could, for a thousand things that all tie back to you. But I guess you knew that in some way already._

 

_Rals_

\-----

_Yancy,_

 

_Maybe I should've told you while you were still here. I have no idea how you didn't sense it in the Drift, but then again I know you just as well as you know me and there are always secret places in someone's head. But maybe it would've been different. I don't know, Yance. Maybe it just would've been harder._

 

_Rals_

\-----

_Yancy,_

 

_If I get into that Jaeger with her again, I'm not sure if I'll return and I just want you to know that I love you, present tense. I've loved you, I love you and I will love you when we meet again. In some twisted way, I hope for that to be soon._

 

_Rals_

\-----

_Yancy,_

 

_I'm here. I'm alive. You're not, I know that painfully well, but I'm alive. There was a double event in Hong Kong and Mako and I took them both down, all while your name was ringing in the back of my head (our heads) like a mantra – YancyYancyYancyYancy – like it has for years. Mako was amazing, but her happiness, her relief and her desperation. her fear and determination don't feel the same as yours did. And I bet – although it won't come to it, I promise, I promise, - that her mouth doesn't taste like I've always imagined yours would._

 

_Rals_

\-----

_Yancy,_

 

_I wish there was a way to make everything undone. That's as specific as I can get._

 

_Rals_

\-----

_Yancy,_

 

_We're going for the Breach and I'm scared out of my mind. It's never worked before but the two crazy guys Pentecost insists on calling the science team on the operation have apparently figured out that it'll be different now. It all seems too fateful, too big. I wish you were here more than ever, but there's work to be done and Mako both waits for me and doesn't. She keeps me grounded, in a way._

_Rals_

\-----

_Yancy,_

_I can't believe it worked. I can't believe we collapsed the Throat, I can't believe it actually worked. Everything we worked for, Yance! We're all safe now. There are losses – Pentecost, Chuck. It burns, bad, but Mako and I, we saved the world. We saved the human species, and I still wish for more than a man could demand. I wish for you._

_Rals_

\-----

_Yancy,_

 

_I wish for you. I wish you were here to see this. I wish you were here to celebrate with me, to share a lifetime of fearlessness with me. I wish I had an address to send these letters to._

 

_Yours forever,_

_Raleigh_

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Pacific Rim fic and I hope it was enjoyable... somehow. I don't think I have it in me to write happy fics.


End file.
